Video Share: Kicking Perfect, The Poem

If you’ve been waiting to do that thing you’re called to do STOP IT.

This original share, of my first lyrical piece, was two years ago...Two years! It was during my first round in a Transformational Coaching Program, more on that to come, that literally shifted the ground under my feet and turned my life upside down.

In a delicious way. And the effects/affects are still a-happening…

See, I'm just now stepping out
and sharing my-fine-self
(yes, tooting my own dang horn, why not?!)...
and these words.

I’ve been one toe in
sharing up till now,
nearly two years ago
And finally have hit my mark,
My knowing that it’s time to dive in – 
with a full-belly flop
or swan-dive grace,
it matters not.

Originally published back in May 2020 but recorded/written February 7, 2019 and uploaded to a room of 148 souls… this moment in time was my very first step out into the real me.

One I’m so glad I captured on film
(yep, old school girl and I still miss it!)
and can now share with you
as I become crystal clear in my calling
(as you can witness in this week’s Wednesday Words share).

See I've always been a writer just hidden in plain sight.

Working from the shadows as a delicious ghost...

Sound familiar, Dear Hider?
Dimming your light…
Toning it down…
Not shining too bright?

Yet, how can I coach my clients to their greatness,
to write their best words,
to find their amazing voice,

if I don't first shine my light - and blaze a trail as me.

Not some pasty, watered-down, lukewarm version who simply is here to please.

It's past time you decided to shine, is it not?

When you're ready, I've got your back... press play to see that we all start somewhere...

And if you want to see the shift two years can make, come join The JOY Family and see the TODAY version of this lyrical work in full-living (video) color…

Plus, so much more.

Consider leaving a comment below and if this message, this video impacted you in any way, consider that it may also move those you know.

Give it a heart and share it today on your social channels by grabbing clicking the “share” link below. You can even copy/paste these words…

I just watched this video and wanted to pass it along because it’s that powerful. If you’ve got four minutes and want to sink into something delicious while you sip that coffee, tea or take a moment of pause, this is just the thing to put a smile on your face and maybe even make you think. I sure did!

And when you’re ready to let your creative side out, schedule a coaching call today. It’s your time to know you are good enough now to be heard, seen and read, if that is your most delicious dream.

💜

OMG, I Am A…

If you’ve ever been in the spin of doing,
of pleasing,
of following,
of striving,
of learning,
of over-thinking,
analyzing every-little-thing…
I feel you.

I was you…

It’s a habit, a pattern, a web that might just have repetitive layers.

These Wednesday Words are all about what happens when the spin stops.
The lightbulb clicks on with blinding clarity

And the need to see,
understand,
plan down-to-every-single-detail,
that path forward,
is no longer needed…

These words are the opening to such freedom….
Read on if you want some of that…
Because it’s seriously
Delicious.

OMG, I Am A…

It just hit me like a ton of bricks, 
A two-by-four upside the head, 
My coaches’ of course, Jill
ringing like the church bells of my soul.

I am a writer.
I am a f-cking writer. 
Newsflash, I am a damn good, bestselling, award-winning writer. 
An author with creds.
A Word Doctress with soul. 
A m-ther-bleeping badass wordsmith wielding a purple pen

I am a gifted, g-ddamn writer.
And I’ve been burying that
in doing a sh-t ton of other things. 

I have closeted myself in shoulda, woulda, coulda
And wasted precious time
doing stupid sh-t
in order to do that thing
I am here to do.
Write.

Head-meet-desk-hard.

Chasing shiny things, 
Following some gurus words.
Funnel this. Funnel that.

When really it was all about 
“Move b-tch, get out the way, get out the way, b-tch, get out the way!”

Leave it to Ludacris, a rapper turned actor, to sum in up one repetitive line. 

I have been my own worst enemy 
Doing all the things
so that one day, soon
I could focus
on that which matters. 

And it’s time I get out of my own damn way and focus on what matters now.
Because now is the only time I’ve got. 
What about you?

Do you hear me whisper-shouting your name?
If you’re here, it’s for a reason.

Are you too a closeted-creator?

 
A one day, 
when the time is just-right 
and all-the-things align, 
planning to spread your wings 
and be the you –
you were born to be?

I’ll go first. 
I’ll confess
As I’ve heard it’s good for the soul.

But more than confess, 
I commit to stopping the madness that I’ve resided in.

Spun, like a fine web of silk…
Beautiful, intricate, delicious-even
but imprisoning just the same. 

For me, I’ve put off my words, writing…
Nothing but write, publish, 
write, publish

And yet, I have roped myself into believing I needed to learn all the things.

To do the ABCs of marketing, 
the 123s of social media, 
the follow-this-leader, 
Listen to that-voice, 
Master this and that, 
Invest in this greatest, latest thang

Until I can
ring that shiny bell 
over and bloody over again 

So twisted in knots 
I don’t even recognize 
my damn self. 

And I don’t. 

Recognize parts of me that were once friend 
yet now seem more stranger-foe. 

That striving, struggling, focused on all the doing
The cleaning up of all the things
The cutting back of that massive web
Instead of just be-ing me.

The BadAss JOYful Writer who writes all-the-words with a purple pen.

That side piece, left-over version of me,
Reared her fake head,
trapping me in patterns
of do this then that so you can then be you.

Head. Desk. Ouch. 

Even isolated and alone for 2020,
Working on my-fab-self,
only recently lonely, 
while the world burned 
and seethed 
and a virus spread like wildfire,
I allowed myself to be reinfected.

The striving
The perfecting
The doing this so I can finally do that
The either-or chaos that used to be me. 

See, the virus has always been one within me. 

One of not listening to the voice that screams 
Write, damn it, Jill, write. 

Even my mentor recently said, “Your stories. People love your stories.”

And my coach often says, “People need to hear you, Jill. To read your words. People need your JOY.”

Yet, it was just last week while on a marketing call, where I was listening to the very knowledgeable speaker tout dos and don’t of sales, that I got a queasy feeling in my gut. 

A moment of such feels that my first thought was “uh-oh, did I eat something bad?”

Turns out I did not. 
Eat something off…

I was hearing something off for me. 

So not aligned with my values, my core
Who I was meant to be being
But was too busy avoiding. 

See, at some point, it’s high-past-time to stop listening to all-the-damn-voices and tune into mine. 

And that’s what happened to me this morning 
As I swept my floors.

The repetitive action
being in a trance-like state
that opens me to receiving
that which I truly need to hear. 

Yep, trippin’ without the use of narcotics and the side benefit of a clean-ass floor. 

It’s not that the marketing expert didn’t have vital information to share and wasn’t spot on. 

It’s simply that the message wasn’t on point for me, in this moment. 

It was an awakening to where is my attention?
My focus?

Have you had that feeling?
That knowing in your gut, your heart? 

Some unexplainable spot 
that’s out of your head, 
Your mind,
Not a reasonable thought 
but you know is on-the-mark?

When I feel that way and don’t listen, that’s when my life goes tits-up. 

Imagine, if all you need to know is within. 
Because that’s the damn-skippy-straight truth, yo.

When I listen to that voice, I don’t go wrong. 

And that voice is screaming at me
loud and proud and clear
as a just Windex-ed,
twice
looking-glass. 

Write. Writer. Write. 

So I hereby commit to just that. 
And because I know some other creative out there

A being who’s perhaps stuck in a non-creative corporate job

Or been wondering how to make a buck with their art 
while still hearing that old tired voice of someone, 
way back when saying, 
get a real job first…. 

That closeted-artist is asking
What does that even look like to just write, writer, write? 

And that’s a mighty-fine-question because we’re trapped in a society that rewards doing instead of being. 

So here’s my answer. 

For me write.writer.write means
Stop all the madness. 

For me the madness is 
all the things that
one day
will allow
me to write 
yet keep me from writing
now. 

All the creating, all the spinning of plates, all the mindless learning that’s without purpose and intention. 

Because friend just like abundance follows JOY,
a secret key to life
is using your intention and your will.
When you do, life is magically delicious.

So I now burn it all down to focus on the following:

Write A Book

(Or Three, I Like Things In 3s)

If you’ve listened to me, followed me or worked with me, you know I write 2,500 words each morning – typically before the sun shines. I love this way of showing up and now I’m switching it up.

These words have always been just mine.

Meaning anything else I need to write is written on top of these 2,500 words.

Most of my morning word-count never sees the light of day.

And yes, Dear Becks, (my delightful, bossy agent), I’m sure many of them could be strung together into a book or twelve. 

But now, the mix is this – 1,000 of those morning words, plus anything else I choose to write in the day will be book-specific. 

BOOM!

See, to me, my 2,500 morning word-count, five days a week was learning how to perfect one punch.

To master the art of writing, of voice.
A lesson well learned.

And with more than 20,000,000 morning words written, I’d say mission accomplished. 

So there will be a book released August 8, 2021 and it will be in my own name. You can access the waitlist right here. 

But also look out for more reads from me in 2021...as one book a year…
Hmm, I’m thinking I have more in me now that my focus is on-point. 

Writing Wednesday Words

A weekly blog post where I get to be me, write what I want to write about and perhaps inspire the closeted creative in you. Or just plain rock your world!

Some Wednesday Words are forever-free and some are in The JOY Vault 24-hours after publishing – it’s a bit of a game and we all need more fun (and dare I say, JOY) in our lives, do we not?

So that’s what I am committed to and it feels so dang good!

Plus…

Coaching Closeted Creatives

In the art of knowing Abundance Follows JOY and creating A Most Delicious Life – and that it doesn’t have to be hard…

I have been coaching creatives for more than two decades.
You can read about it here.  

Some of my coaching clients are writers, some are creative only at heart and others don’t even identify with being creative…

But if something I say here in this Love Letter resonates, book a session. 

If it doesn’t, find someone who does speak your language.
I am a firm believer in having a coach.
I have an awesome one.

And also a new believer in boundaries.

And I have just narrowed down,
by half,
the amount of hours I dedicate to coaching.

Why?

Because I am here to
Write. Writer. Write.
And that calling must come first. 

This is what it looks like to burn-baby-burn it-down and get #real.

Teaching A Monthly Masterclass

These JOYful Word Masterclasses range in word-topic and are a delicious way to get my coaching, knowledge, experience and skill as a JOYful writer for an affordable investment, in a group setting. 

And they are a way for me to connect, outside the voices of my characters, and sharpen my coaching blade.

Let’s face it.
I love to coach, teach and write
but writing must come first.

Remember, I am going back to my line of wakening, clarity and the zap of freedom that calls simply – write.writer.write.

When that calling is honored first, all works.
Lean into your knowing,
that voice within
and hear it loud and clear.
It’s there.

I have committed to teaching these Masterclasses the 3rd Saturday of each month this year and I am keeping them on my schedule because they grow me, they are impactful for others and there is a need. 

See, I am learning the power of being committed, which does not mean staying in what makes you miserable because you gave your word, but doing more of those things that build you up. And having the courage to change your mind and burn down that which no longer serves.

This Masterclass is a delicious slow build for me, and a way I can invite creatives to work with me for a steal-of-a-deal because let’s face it my words aren’t cheap. 

Launching A Podcast March 3

A Most Delicious Life Or He Said, She Said

Give me your preferred title vote now, before it’s too late by leaving a comment below. Then get on my Wednesday Words list to be notified first when we go live.  

The reason I am choosing to do this is simple. I listened to the masses and then I listened to the voice within. My voice. The only one that truly matters. The masses need an uplifting voice, stories, encouragement, JOY…

Because let’s get real, people are suffering, feeling isolated, alone, lonely and if my voice, my words can impact just one… than I have won.

Fun Fact: I am a verbal processor and until two years ago, I had no idea. I am also a poet, a writer of prose and what better way to share a message than with a vocal slam. 

Plus, I believe there is a need for a writer’s voice to be heard that cuts through the starving artist mentality and shares that anything is possible, even being a successful creative who makes bank simply by designing his or her own most delicious life. 

See words are everything and you’re using them every moment to create your life…
so you choose “delicious” or not.

A Creative Card

Much like a wild-card, this is my moment of freedom to be me and might be applied quarterly or annually. It’s open to possibility. 

No more needing to publish a quarterly The JOY Magazine because I thought it was a good idea in the heat of one creative moment. Ah yeah, I did that and have four issues actually!

This is my ability to express myself with a series, a short story, a published piece on Elephant Journal like this one or this one or to create social media posts for a month.

Still have a love-hate relationship happening there. Feel free to stalk me.

This might be my creative moment to record a video for My JOY Subscribers or release an audio, one-off program or just work on my damn book or outline the next one. 

The Creative Wild Card is just that wild, untamed – the structured-freedom to do anything I damn well please, even if it’s not aligned with the above five-bulleted-things…

Delicious And Fabulous…Is It Not?

Because suddenly there is freedom in the structure, in the discipline, in the devotion to one thing.

Write. Writer. Write.  

It feels freeing to just do sh-t my way. 

And my sh-t is to write.

Blog posts that might turn into sections or chapters within a book. 
Articles that may inspire a generation and become a series.
Words that resonate…
Inspire
Lead
Bring JOY.

Writing is all about my voice, my way, and for a cold-hard-second I lost that. 

When I am true to me, my words work, they land. 
Empowering.
Serving.
Impacting. 

What about you? 

How freeing would it be and do you, your way…
To stop seeking external approval, 
to end all the learning, 
to begin again… 
Knowing you are exactly where you need to be.

Not to copycat a marketing plan or follow a guru
but to burn all the shit down. 
Shut it off.

And turn up the volume on the drumbeat of you.
Your soul, karma, calling...
Your dharma.

When you stop pedaling another’s bike around the circular track of someone else’s life, your dharma catches up to you… 

It’s found, but only in the in between.

It’s the whisper-shout within, the one that tells me simply

Write.Writer.Write.

This is where I’m at…  

A moment to simply bask in the fact that my focus is one thing and one thing only.

It’s also my SuperPower.

Coming out of The Creative Closet,
my way,
as me,
and doing my thing–
full-stop. 

Will it work?

For twenty-plus years it did. 
And then I got out of my heart and into my head. 

It worked for me, 
writing as someone else, 
closeted but true to me, 
not caring of reviews 
or marketing trends.

Not paying mind to the latest, greatest funneled-path to success. 

Instead, just going with my gut. 
Purple pen-ning my words.
Knowing I was the conduit. 
Simply showing up as me, 
the writer, each and every day. 

And for the nosey soul, when I say burn it down, 
this is what I mean… 
Pressing pause on cleaning things up, 
fixing shit, 
learning all the things…
Waiting to get it right.
Perfecting all the sh-t... 
And instead serving 
With heart. 

An open heart. 

And just recognizing that if it ain’t listed above 
It is none-of-my-concern 
at this time. 

Exhale. Sweet relief. 

I want that for you. 

When you’re ready for the deep sigh of absolute, divine freedom from all that’s got you stuck, spinning, going a 100 miles a minute… 

Get your fabulous self on my coaching schedule or be finally allow the creative-in-you out to play and join my masterclass to start co-creating a most delicious life.

And at the very least, join my Wednesday Words JOYnote train… and make a date to read my words each week… some say they make their day. What will you say?

For access to all my words become a JOY-Subscriber today. 

Simple paths allow for crazy impact. If you want some of that, sink into this message and hear your own inner calling. 

You know your path, isn’t it about damn time you followed it?

When you need support, I have your back.

---

One Hour Has The Power To Impact All

---

Post Photo Credit: Eyasu Etsub @jphotography2012

Good Girl Or Bad To The Funny-Bone

Dear JOYful One, 

I used to be a good girl. 
Nix that. 
I still am a good girl. 

But for very different reasons.

See, I’m also a bad-girl. 
A bold, rule-breaking, f-bomb dropping, bad-to-the-funny-bone gal. 
And I love it. 

I love the freedom that comes with finally being comfy in my own skin. 

If you can imagine not being good with who you are,
Not feeling enough living in your own skin, 
Gosh, I feel you. 

Maybe you can relate to always being the good one…
Whether an only child or one of many,
to please those in your life. 

Perhaps you followed the letter of the law.
Making straight A-s
Striving and perfecting, 
Aching to receive something. 

A smile, pat on the head, praise, acceptance, love. 

Pause for a beat if that resonates.
Do you remember how that way of being feels?

For me, it was a high of needing to do more,
Be more of what that person who smiled at me wanted.

Changing myself just a tad to please this person.
Twisting myself that way, just a bit, to please that other person.

Until answering the question,
Who Am I Even?
Became impossible. 

Until I was so tied up in knots, I didn’t even recognize me. 

The never-ending spin of being what everyone wanted me to be left me depleted, exhausted and so bloody angry… 

But while that anger, at first, was directed at others in a blame-game, 
It soon became crystal clear this was more a-fuming-mad at me moment that spiraled down into shame, if I allowed. 

Again, take a beat. Does that resonate?
If not, perhaps...

You went that bad-boy (or girl) route
and did all you could to stir-the-pot of your life
Receiving just a dash of temporary JOY, 
When able to poke, antagonize, annoy everyone in your vicinity. 

And in return, you were awarded attention if not praise, acceptance and love. 

While this path was not mine to own, it was the path my characters often took. Those creations I wrote stories about
And conversations I’d have in my head. 

Perhaps you know that way of being, 
lost in what you coulda-woulda-shoulda said 
if only you had thought it at the time.

Replaying a moment over and over on repeat until you’re so exhausted or pissed at yourself that you can’t see straight. 

Man, that was me. 

Working myself up into sick by constantly thinking
if only I’d said this or that 
or been just a bit more of something I was not. 

This way of showing up made me ill as a teenager and perhaps you can relate. With the constant replaying of convos, 
With working yourself up to pissed or sick.
Neither way pays. 

For one the inner turmoil but more importantly the missing out on the now. 
The moment that is. 
The only moment that matters. 

I lost so much time stuck in my head. 
I lost so many opportunities because I was trapped in my emotions. 

And it took pressing pausing, a beat of silence, awareness that in pleasing everyone else I was never going to be free to be me. 

Both ways of being 
Good-girl or Bad-to-the-Bone
have something deeply in common,
a need to belong. 

A need to matter.
A need to be seen.
A point-blank-need for something outside oneself.

And that, that right there, is the downfall of so many who say they want JOY in their life yet all but repel it with every decision. 

For more than 20 years I have been a vivacious, audacious, in-your-face, brilliant, fun, bright and un-f*ck-with-able woman. 

I have closed deals, made bank, impacted people around the world and received praise 

(but not taken the time to receive it nor honor it until recently)

All of this from doing what comes naturally…
Wielding my purple pen of words. 

But not doing it as me, but as an alter ego version of me.
Until recently. 

How can I fully own my own success and celebrate my accomplishments when I hid that I was a successful closet writer?

When I chose not to see that I was a bad-ass and a good-girl?
When I had to don a disguise to be me?

A side of me who broke rules and was a bad-ass-bold-girl who got-sh*t-done. 

Someone I admired, yet never dared show up as for-real, until now. 

Recently, I found absolute freedom in just being me and no longer playing a character-version in my own life. 

Yet, what if it’s common to not show up fully as oneself. 

Playing a dimmed down version.  
Hiding behind all the stories of abandonment, fear of rejection, low self-worth. 

Lacking the self-confidence to know you are great, enough, just as you are.

See, this week, I had a meltdown.
A big one.
A breaking point. 

And it was delicious even in all the ugly crying. 

I’m writing all about it. 

And I want to invite you in.

It’s a JOY-Subscriber Only Read

And it’s vulnerable.
Real.
Honest.

And if you want some of that, you have a choice. 

Become a JOY! Subscriber and receive more delicious words each week.

Either way, I know for a fact that JOY is where it’s at and if you need more acceptance, praise and love in your life, know this. 

You give it to yourself first and receive so much more. 
More than you can even begin to imagine. 

And it all starts with more JOY. 

Here’s my secret, and the reason I am now 
closing deals,
making bank,
impacted people around the world
and received praise as me, not a fake version of me… 

I know in my bones Abundance Follows JOY. 

And that’s a mic-drop-able moment, when you truly know that #truth.

---

One Hour Can Transform All

---

Facing My Fears – The Tale Of Lilly Anne

I laid down on the cool tiled floors, thankful for the sweater and jeans covering most of my must-have-warmth body.

I had no idea that doing this one little act would be so incredibly impactful.

How a simple task of facing a "fear" could open my world in unimaginable ways, that even now I strive, no struggle to find the best words to paint this divine share...

As literally, to speak, after this moment, was impossible.

And no, this fear conquered had nothing to do with public speaking but everything to do with my perception of people...

And myself...

Dive into this read with me now to see how one moment, one choice can open a door to so much.

JULY 2019

It was a Monday. Busy. Go figure. But this was pre-pandemic when Corona was still served with a twist and a lime.

Best on a beach...

But while in the heart of Miami, the air-conditioned breeze removed all thoughts of tropical warmth and sandy beaches from my mind.

See, I was doing the thing.
That thing I did not want to do...
I was facing a fear.

And of course I chose the most crowded spot. The one were lines formed as people with devices waited for the glass doors to slide open and the Apple-bells to ring.

I laid down on the cool tiled floors, thankful for the sweater and jeans covering most of my must-have-warmth body.

And spoiler alert... I had a blast!

People asked me what I was doing…

I said, “Looking at things from a new perspective.”

A grandfather get help from his son and daughter to lay beside me so he too could look at things differently.

His name was Jose Felipe and we laid side-by-side for 15 minutes, chatting up a storm. 

His grandkids laid beside us. Quietly listening to us and whispering about the ‘weird’ woman.

I learned about his boat ride from Cuba.
About being sent back.
And coming again on a raft.

Wow.

I talked to a couple who asked me if I was afraid of what people were saying about me, laying on the floor.

I shared that people were judging me if I was upright walking past them or laying here ‘crazy’ on the ground. And it didn’t matter...Let them judge.

He liked it.
She freaked.
And this led to more interesting chats.

I had a lady buy me a coffee. Just because. 

Maybe she thought I was tired...?

Two Apple techs came out to give me a rolled up shirt to put under my head.

They shared, one timid and one with glee, that some customers were recording a video of the cray-cray-floor lady.

Didn’t care.
Sweet.
Fun.

A cute 30-something in a suit gave me chocolate from Godiva. I thought it important to share, I was hitched before helping myself to his chocolate.

He laughed and said, lucky him, and gave me the entire box.

The kids and Jose Felipe dove into the tasty treats with me.

A cop asked what I was doing... I shared. 

Then I asked if he liked what he was doing - patrolling the mall. We had a ten minute chat about his hopes and dreams. He wanted to write crime dramas…hmmm. 

Life-changing. For him. For me.

Laying down in the middle of a crowded mall, in front of that busy-as-heck Apple store, brought up so many STORIES and interpretations...and fears.

And Because I Chose To Do It Anyway,
This Happened…

Connections
Conversations
Sharing
Opening Of Hearts & Minds
Vulnerability
Love

And then, when I thought it couldn’t get any better, as the Apple manager and employees actually gifted me items ….

What?!

Believe me, I know. I was blown away but their words, that was the true gift.

A few brave souls shared how I touched them. That they press-paused in their day to stop and talk about what I was doing, why I was doing it and the IMPACT it made on them and the manager.

First, that I was willing to face the fear of public humiliation, which frankly stumped many of them… and if we’re being honest, it terrifies most people, does it not?

Maybe you can relate.

And second, one sweet girl with ink-black braids knelt beside me and said, “I love how you took time for each person who approached you.”

When I asked her why that made her sad, as she had tears in her eyes, she said, “Most people don’t give me the time of day.”

"What do you mean?” I can still feel my frown and that tug on my heart strings.

“Because I look different.”

She was covered in ink, more than just her jet-black hair and showed me by rolling up her long-sleeves.

I didn’t know what to say, so I said the truth. “Beauty comes from within. Those who don’t take time to see you are simply not worth your time.”

Her hug was one now, all but hug-less for going on eleven months, I remember fondly.

(Amazing the little things I miss. And now recognize as so incredibly important.)

Priceless.

But that’s not where this tale ends.
Although it easily could.
Nope… there’s more.

A spa across the way thought I needed a facial.
Either sun damage or from being on the cold floor… [smile]... so sweet.

It so was… 

And Jose Felipe's granddaughter. She floored me.

She handed me the greatest gift…dug out of her very own pocket. Her favorite charm keychain.

The little girl who just a short time ago had used lady and weird in the same sentence and thought I hadn’t understood.

[wink]

This keychain was not a plastic, throw-away kid-item but an expensive thing from Coach.... And, I cried. Not from receiving a dang keychain but from the express, dare I say love, in her eyes.

I cried because it wasn’t until that moment that I realized I hadn’t asked her name… that I had been so occupied with others, while she sat quietly, patiently, attentively beside me…

Waiting her turn.

Lilly-Anne. 

My heart stopped in that moment. I could have sworn, looking back that the world stopped...for just a beat.

I want you to remember something before I go on with this sharing…

I believe that

Everything is Energy…
We choose our path.
We all chose to be here…

These are my beliefs, opinions, although the first is indeed fact.

That said, Let me take you back to a conversation I had once, long ago.

My fiancé more than ten years back, called me early one morning and said, 

I interrupted with “—You had a dream.”

“YES!”

“Me too.”

Silence.

I managed to get out... “I met our daughter–”

“–her name was—”

“—Lilly.”

“YES!” Chris choked up on the other end of the phone. 

Tears were already streaming down my face as I said, “She had—”

“—Ringlets.”

“And they were—”

“—strawberry blonde. Like yours.”

“Yes.” I was full on ugly crying at this point but it mattered not. I could hear the tears in his voice too. 

Chris, a crazy Brit who liked to call me Twit had three boys, 21, 18 and 7 at the time. He never thought he’d have more. Never imagined he’d have a little girl… but there she was… in both our dreams. On the same evening.

And then he was gone. A helicopter crash just two months later.

No Lilly.
But I always had the shared dream.
And that was beautiful. 

You think this tale ends here but no, there is more.

I met my Frenchman in Feb 2011 and we tied the knot in January, almost one year later. He so wanted to have a child and I was hesitant.

He had two already and we were new, fresh, and I was NOT used to being in a relationship…

Hmm, personal responsibility, I made it HARD.

So we’d dream and chat over morning coffee while I “made” him rub my feet (which he LOVED to do). We decided that our “son” would be Edmond Lee after this grandfather and mine, should we have a boy…

And he was determined, if we had a girl, to name her…. 

Anne-Marie…

And I tacked on Sophie, just because it sounded so cool.

Now, it never happened. My fabulous Frenchman and I decided NOT to have Edmond Lee or Anne-Marie Sophie…

Just as Chris and I did not have Lilly…

And yet here she was - the CULMINATION of those conversations.
The incarnation of Lilly-Anne 

And it rocked me to my core. Literally.

Because I did this work
Because I let go of my fear of being judged... 
Because I was open to possibility... 

….I was given a gift.

I met my daughter(‘s) energy.

And she knew it.
I knew it.
And yes, she had ringlets…

No sh*t.

It's SO wonderful to know SHE became a reality, SHE became someone's reality.

Tears flow freely with such ease and JOY and amazement because....

If I had not laid down out of fear of judgment or some such stupid, meaningless story or interpretation....

AND not received that beautiful message!

What a missed opportunity that would have been...

What Are You MISSING
By Staying Trapped In Your
Fear, Interpretations, Stories, Bullshit?

This moment, this exercise showed me so much more than the physical reality we all think is real, is all there is.

It’s nothing. There is so much more.

When I get out of my way…

The UNIVERSE shows me what’s possible.

For me.
And it will
For you.

Shows me the true IMPACT of my actions, my words, my stories... my interpretations.

And the line I go back to daily…
100% Possible.
100% of the time.

And I ask myself constantly –
What’s possible for me in this moment?
What can I learn from this?
How can I grow?

And it serves me, so if that serves you, steal it.
Because literally anything is possible. 

Even a Thanksgiving phone call last year...
Where I bawled afterward like a little baby.

---

It was Lilly-Anne calling to tell me she’s so thankful to have me in her life and how she talks to me when she’s sleeping and knows I have her keychain with me always.

That’s how she finds me… she shared.

OMG!

She then lowered her voice to a whisper and told me a “secret”

And this broke me – in a blessed way I’ll never forget.

She said…You were my first-choice mama but you weren’t ready for me.

OH.
MY.
GOD.

And she was right.
So
Beautifully
Right.

I Share This Tale
So You See There Is So Much More Possible.

And heck, if you’re shedding a tear, know that I am still crying as I type this out.

But it’s tears of possibility.
It’s tears of amazement.

Because today, Lilly-Anne called me again… to wish her other-Mama Happy Gratitude Day.

When will you ready to get out of your way,
Let go of the sh*t stories and step into all that you are?

It’s time…is it not?

Final Update

And remember that cop who spoke to me about those crime dramas he wanted to write. Well, a few months later I had a call with him, as of course I gave him my number while laying on that too-cold-tile floor outside of the Apple store.

I coached him on 3 pointers to start way back in 2019… and he took it all to heart.

He began writing in his spare time and took to writing me a monthly email update.

He told me he’s saving up money to coach with me and simply wanted to keep me in his accountability loop.

He also asked me, pretty forcefully I might add, to start a group program in the New Year so he can do it sooner rather than later.

And guess what?

That cop, he booked that coaching session he said he wanted.

We meet next week and he promises to bring his completed rough draft to the table. Damn, son! Gotta love that.

Like I shared early.

100% is possible. 100% of the time.